You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
