Three words: puerto rican gang bang
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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