At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
