yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
