Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
