Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize