2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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