Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
