Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i think my cat just said my name.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
