and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
