I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
