Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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