1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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