The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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