Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize