I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
