got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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