please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
