you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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