I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
