I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
