'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
