Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
