So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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