I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
