I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
