Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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