well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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