I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
