If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
