Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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