don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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