M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
