just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize