That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
