You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize