I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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