He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
