Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
