Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
