Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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