You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize