It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The best revenge is premature balding
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
