and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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