Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
