we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
