u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
