You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
