God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Randomize
