He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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