Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
