Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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