Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
