Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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