oh god the rape fog is back!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.