I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING