how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.