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I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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