If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.