sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall