i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
