i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
