i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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