The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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