I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
