FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers