i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You made out with two different species that night
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?