There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again