alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going