That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here