yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican