It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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