i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
