bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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